Comedy is a barrel of laughs

For some serious laughs, go watch Comedy Nine Nine at The Fringe – just don’t sit in the front row. And don’t haul out your cellphone.
TWO special audience members – Scary and Stupid – were singled out by comedian Rob van Vuuren and terrorised for the rest of the night by the four other sharp-witted comics performing at Comedy Nine Nine at the Fringe Theatre on 15 September.

Mark PalmerMark Palmer was never out of the spotlightScary was so named because of his big frame and bald head, while Stupid’s name is pretty self-explanatory.

Jibes from Mark Palmer, Ndumiso Lindi, Kagiso “KG” Mokgadi and Kurt Schoonraad meant they were never out of the spotlight for long, and a comparison between states of balding by Mark Palmer had the non-terrorised audience members chuckling and slapping their thighs for minutes afterwards.

“You are bald, I am balding,” he said. “At least mine makes me sound like I’m being productive.”

This doesn’t mean to say that the other spectators got off scot-free, though. One woman used her cellphone during the performance – so Van Vuuren promptly stuck it down his pants, making the most of its “vibrate” function.

Needless to say, she was not seen using her phone again for the rest of the performance.

Corruption
Each of the comedians showed their own brand of South African humour, which had audience members nodding along even as they snorted, guffawed and shrieked with mirth. Everything from race to weight and corruption were covered, but with such skill that it was impossible for anyone to take offence.

KGWeight problems? KG entertained the audience with his size jokesPalmer flitted from topic to topic like a hummingbird from tree to tree, talking about the differences between men and women and their relationship with shoes; the advances in air travel from shoe scanning to rear-end X-raying; and plenty more besides.

Lindi had the audience rolling around in their seats with his observations on the different ways that black and white people interacted with their pets and picked out Stupid once again for a quick introduction on how to use condoms.

KG revealed what it meant to have a sangoma for a father, what the difference was between white and black car thieves – and how these two issues intertwined. “You can always tell if a white person has tried to steal your car and found your muti stash, because they leave a polite note behind with R500 to cover damages and an explanation on why they chose to steal the car next to yours instead,” he said.

He also examined weight problems, and the need to shop at the plus-sized store for men, Big and Tall. “I love shopping there, man, because I look tiny,” he explained to yells of laughter. “Plus, this is just sympathy weight for my wife who was pregnant. I’m going to stay sympathetic for a long time.”

Bribery
Headline act Schoonraad did not hold back either. He boasted about how he managed to bribe a Gauteng police official with a bag of Nik Naks because the officer refused the R200 note he had specially put aside for this purpose.

Kurt SchoonraadCop briber: Kurt Schoonraad was at his bestAnd why did the officer forfeit the money for the food? Because “we [police officers] no longer accept the old R200 note”.

Horatio Kane, CSI Miami’s hero, also came under the hammer and Schoonraad explained why South Africa needed a Kane of their own, with some snappy one-liners and ubiquitous sunglasses. “Can you imagine what he would say if they found a dead body with sperm in its ear?” he asked with an accompanying demonstration of Kane putting his sunglasses on as he spoke.

“He must have heard the killer coming.”

It may not be a show for children, but it certainly is a show for people wanting to get some light-hearted relief. Just try not to sit in the front row.

Comedy Nine Nine is part of the annual Arts Alive Festival, and was only scheduled for two performances on 15 and 16 September. If you want to catch a barrel of belly-laughs from a gang of Capetonians, get down to the Fringe at the Joburg Theatre for their last performance on 16 September at 8pm.

Tickets are R50 and can be bought by emailing tickets@joburgtheatre.com or phoning 0861 670 670.

For more information on other Arts Alive events, you can visit the Arts Alive website.